Amber, Caroline and Katie in...Damage Control

[OscarD]

(A follow-up to Amber’s last story)

“So how did it go?”

“Well, to be honest, it’s not getting better,” said Caroline.

“I don’t get it. Why is this so hard?”

“I mean, they’re really fighting.”

“I’m not the one fighting!” Amber said in a shaky voice. “It’s my awful sister who’s fighting!”

“They kinda both are.”

“This is over you again, Caroline?”

“I keep telling her to just leave it alone if Katie’s mean. Like, she’ll get over it eventually and it doesn’t faze me. But she can’t do it.”

I sighed.

“I don’t know what to do. She’s really upset.”

“OK, well, Katie’s house is off limits for now.”

“All we’re trying to do is be good sisters and it’s like getting eaten by a dragon!”

“Amber, have you ever been eaten by a dragon?”

“Oscar, I know what you’re trying to do. Don’t do it, OK? This is really bad.”

“I think maybe you’re making it worse than it is.”

“I’m not! I’m trying to make it better!”

“But are you succeeding?”

“Shut up!”

“Hey! That’s not nice. Don’t bite my head off, I’m just trying to talk to you.”

“Fine. I’m sorry. But I just…”

“Stop. Tell me what happened.”

“OK, we went over there and everything was OK for a while, and Katie had ordered lunch in from DoorDash or whatever, and when it came she said she had to powder her nose, so Caroline and I set out plates and put all the stuff in her chafing dishes, and…”

“Yeah, yeah, OK, get to the part where there’s a problem.”

“Honey, that is the part where there’s a problem. Katie comes in and absolutely blows up at Caroline for putting our take-out lunch food on her nice china, like she’s an idiot for thinking we could have a nice table-setting, and so I defended her.”

“And she was pretty ferocious at that,” said Caroline.

[OscarD]

“Thank you, honey. Yeah. I was. You can’t talk to my sister that way!”

“Well, it was your other sister who…”

“Oscar, don’t you dare take her side here. Don’t do it.”

“Amber, quit. If it were up to me you’d never go over there again. Katie irritates the shit out of me, and you know that.”

“OK, OK. Well, I jumped down her throat a little, and so she gave us the silent treatment until we left.”

“That sure showed you, didn’t it?”

“It pissed me off! How can she be so mean to her sister?”

“I think the point is that she’s mad at you, Amber, and being mean to Caroline is her shitty way of showing it.”

“Yeah, well, it works. I can’t deal with her. And we were over there way longer than we should have, because Caroline insisted on hand-washing everything and putting it back where it came from. Those dishes were spotless and Katie wouldn’t even thank her.”

“Seems a little bitchy.”

“Oh, no kidding, Einstein. Ya think?”

“OK, I’m gonna give you some space to calm down, because that’s twice you just bit my head off.”

I had to beat a hasty retreat, because Amber started crying and sat on the bed with Caroline trying to comfort her - and that was not a scene I wanted any part of.

But I had to do something, so I texted Katie and asked her if she was free for lunch the next day. It was 20 minutes later when she texted back, “Noon, J. Alexander’s, and you’re buying.”

“Fine,” I sent back.

And the next day, outside the restaurant…

“You know, this was a really good idea. The more I think about it you and I are going to have to form a plan.”

“Form a plan. For?”

“For dealing with your batshit crazy girlfriend! Hello?”

“You’re saying Amber is the problem?”

“Well, it’s definitely not me! Did she tell you it is?”

“I’m here to moderate a dispute. How about we start there?”

“That’s pretty mealy-mouthed, but whatever.”

“Well, Katie, you look very nice today. That’s a new makeup look, or something, right?”

“Thanks! I’ve finally found a concealer that’s the right hue to match my head to this new body Craig bought me.”

“Right. You’ve had that body a while, haven’t you?”

“Since the summer, yeah. And none of you have said a word about it. So obviously you hate it.”

“Nnnnoooo. I can’t speak for Amber, but from my perspective it seems like had I said something I would have gotten beat up for it.”

[OscarD]

“What’s THAT mean?”

“‘Hey Katie, that new full-figured body of yours is super-sexy.’ I say that and Amber’s pissed at me for calling her sister sexy, and you’re asking me if by full-figured I mean fat, which the answer is no. You look a lot like my friend Ashley, our realtor, and I’ve always thought Ashley was hot.”

“Well, Amber didn’t say anything.”

“Did you give her a chance to?”

“I…don’t know. But she could just volunteer something.”

“The way both of you are on a hair-trigger about things each other say, if I was one of you I’d keep my mouth shut at all costs.”

“Hah! That’s fair.”

“So I have honest questions, without agendas to them. All right? I’d like honest answers, and I’ll keep them to myself if that’s what you want. You and I have generally kept lines of communication open even though we’re not the best of friends and I think we need that right now.”

“OK. First off, your girlfriend is a total bitch for bringing in that little girl to replace me.”

“Well, another way to see that is she’s adding to your family, and if Caroline was your replacement as Amber’s sister I don’t think Amber would be bringing her over to your house all the time so you could develop a relationship with her. Seems like she’d be ignoring you instead and leaving you alone in that house with that little girl.”

“I’m not alone. That’s ridiculous.”

“You aren’t? Who’s there? Not Craig. Amber says he’s always gone.”

“Amy’s grandmother sits with her sometimes. She’s with her now.”

“OK. But Amber and Caroline can help if you’ll let them. You can’t tell me you don’t think they’re good with Amy.”

“Ask me something else. I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Fine. What’s this about Craig dumping you?”

“Don’t be stupid. He’s not dumping me.”

“Then where did Amber get that? Don’t tell me she made it up - it’s scaring the hell out of her that you might be thrown away.”

“He’s just, I dunno, having cold feet about the wedding, that’s all.”

“Katie, how far did you ever get with that wedding?”

“What are you asking?”

“I’m asking whether this wasn’t sort of a fake-it-til-you-make-it thing. Because I’ve seen that before with weddings; in fact I’ve seen it up close.”

“Oh, fuck you,” she said.

“Fine. You don’t want to answer that, it’s up to you. But something is going on, because you have a hell of a sharp edge on you today.”

[OscarD]

“You mean because I’m insulted by insulting questions I have an edge?”

“Yes, Katie, that’s what I mean. And the question is awfully insulting when you kept demanding I give you $30,000 for your wedding and you didn’t even have a date set.”

“You’re on thin ice, Oscar.”

“Open lines of communication require honesty. And I don’t think we’ve had that between us. Because what I’ve thought for a good while is that you wanted that money so you could tell Craig you could pay for the wedding with it or else you could walk.”

“You think I was trying to leverage him?”

“Just tell me I’m wrong, Katie.”

She just glared at me.

“Seems like I have my answer,” I said. “So now I have another question: do you want out?”

“You mean with Craig?”

“Yeah. If you want out, tell me and I’ll get you out.”

“It’s not your place to do that.”

“I agree with you. But you’re reducing my girlfriend to tears every time she goes to see you and that stops now. Your house is off-limits for her and Caroline until I have evidence we won’t be dealing with another one of your fights.”

“I can’t get out. Nobody will take care of Amy if I leave.”

“Amy is two. She can go and live with her grandmother instead of being raised by her kinda-sorta Factory Girl stepmother.”

“Are you saying I can’t handle this?”

“I’m saying you are clearly under a lot of stress. You’re practically strangling yourself with that scarf.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“That’s not a particularly relaxed response.”

“Look, my relationship with Craig isn’t…like yours is with Amber. But that’s as much my fault as it is his. I wasn’t programmed to do…relationships. I was supposed to be a career girl. And you know that. It’s why you hired me, and then of course you blew up my job.”

“And you rejected that career path and took up with a succession of guys. And I didn’t blow your job up, I sold the company. I negotiated with the buyer that you could keep your job and you said no. Let’s remember this correctly.”

“Oh, what difference does it make?”

“For one thing I talked to Dave Killearn, the manager over at RDS. That job is open again, and he asked if you’d like it back.”

“Wow. That’s…”

“I’ll give you his number. One one condition. This screaming and fighting shit with Amber has to end, and you’re going to have to be nice to Caroline.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Oh, whatever,” she said. “The job…I’ll think about it.”