Amber in...The Perfect Day

[OscarD]

“Amber, how many times to I have to tell you to pull the shower curtain closed when you’re in there? Damn, girl, it’s like you don’t listen at all!”

“OK, don’t yell at me! I’m having a rough day!”

“Wait, why are you having a rough day?”

“It’s…nothing.”

“Amber, come on. If it was nothing, it wouldn’t be able to make this a rough day.”

“Honey, sometimes it really is nothing. Please don’t pry.”

“Well, if you’re going to mope around and get water all over the bathroom floor because you’re having a rough day, shouldn’t you at least give me a chance to fix it?”

“Well, that’s just it. I don’t think you can fix it.”

“I think you should give me a shot at that.”

“Right, OK. Take a shot at this: I’m dying. How about that?”

“Amber, you’re not dying. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Honey, I’m not ridiculous. I’m a Factory Girl, and I know that we just don’t live that long. We start falling apart, we become too much work and eventually we just end up in a box as our men move on from us. It happens to all of us and it’s going to happen to me.”

“Umm, excuse me but that’s bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit! It’s happening to Katie.”

“Oh, really?”

“Craig is talking about replacing her, yeah.”

“Why? She takes care of his daughter.”

“I don’t know, but Katie thinks he’s had it with her. She doesn’t know what happens next.”

“Well, that’ll save me 30 grand, so…”

“Oscar, don’t make a joke about that. It isn’t funny.”

“Look, I can’t control what Craig does. But you? You’re not dying. In fact, you’re better than ever.”

“Oh, no I’m not. I mean, look at this!”

“Look at what?”

“You don’t think these fingers are ugly?”

“They look like they’ve looked since you got back from Mexico. What about them?”

[OscarD]

“What about them is they’re gross, and of course they’re never going to heal. I’m a Factory Girl. We just get worse.”

“That is NOT true. Didn’t I just tighten your knees for you when you complained that you felt like you were going to fall down if you wore heels?”

“Well, yeah. But I’ve got scars in the back of my knees.”

“That nobody can see. Besides, everybody has scars.”

“I’m just saying. I look like I’m all beat up, and I know what that means.”

“What does it mean?”

“It means I’m dying. When you decide you’re moving on, I’ll be dead.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better I’m happy to award you the Drama Queen Of The Year trophy for this performance.”

“OK, fine. Make fun. But I know what I’m talking about.”

“So Katie, who you yourself admit is zero fun to hang around, starts falling from favor with the zero-personality guy she’s with, and all of a sudden you’re having suicidal thoughts? Is that the size of it?”

“I wish you wouldn’t make light of this. But I get it. You don’t understand and I can’t make you understand. So I have a proposal. Let’s go and have the perfect day.”

“Yeah, all right. What’s the perfect day?”

“I’ll get all dressed up, and so will you, and we’ll go have lunch someplace fancy, and then do some shopping, go sightseeing or something, and then we’ll go and have an afternoon drink and then eat dinner.”

“That’s not a bad-sounding day.”

“And then after dinner you can bring me back here and we’ll make love.”

“All right.”

“I mean, that’s a pretty good sendoff, right?”

“Sure, I guess, except it’s not a sendoff because you aren’t going anywhere.”

“OK, I’m just saying. Like, it would be a pretty good sendoff.”

“There is a way that I can get you to stop doing this weird fatalistic thing you’re doing. I just haven’t figured out which button to press yet.”

“Honey, can we just focus on today?”

“That’s a sensational idea, babe. But wait - what about Caroline? Are you going to wake her up?”

“No, I think she’ll be all right today. I told her we were going to take a you-and-me day today, and she said she thought it would be a good idea.”

“OK, cool. I didn’t know we could do that, but cool.”

So I left her alone for a little while and did some things in my office, and…

[OscarD]

“OK, how about this bodysuit? I haven’t worn it in forever, but it’s kind of sexy, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, not bad. I didn’t realize this was your definition of ‘all dressed up,’ though.”

“Hah! Very funny. But I’m trying to decide whether I’m going to wear a blouse over it or leave it and then just do a blazer.”

“Oh, so no dress today?”

“Well, I mean I could wear a dress. But I was thinking I’d wear a skirt, and some stockings, and I’d put on my Louboutins.”

“Ahh, OK. Well, I wouldn’t object to that.”

“I mean, I want to look sexy, but classy. You know?”

“Sure. Like you’re dressed for work.”

“Well, but it has to be a day-to-night look, because I’m not going to make you take me home so I can change for dinner.”

“Amber, this is your perfect day we’re going for. If you want to come home and change for dinner, that’s what we’ll do.”

“Nope. I need the perfect look for a perfect day, which means getting this right the first time.”

“Someone is putting an awful lot of pressure on herself here.”

“Yeah, well, the oyster doesn’t make the pearls without pain.”

“Oysters feel pain?”

“Sugar, you know what I’m talking about.”

“I’m just a little entertained watching you create all your own drama.”

“OK, that’s fair. You aren’t under any obligation to take me seriously, and you don’t.”

“Well, I do take seriously the fact you think you’re dying and this perfect day is like me satisfying your dying wish. I’d like us to put that one to bed.”

“OK, just forget I said anything.”

“Well, what if we got you a new body? Would you like that?”

“Honey, it’s Caroline who needs a new body, not me.”

“Amber, you come before she does.”

“Really?”

“Of course, baby.”

To be continued…

[OscarD]

I watched as Amber rummaged through her closet, and then…

“Oh, I don’t know about…”

“Amber, what’s the matter?”

“I just…”

“You just what?”

“I could…”

I watched her mutter and frown for a minute, and then…

“Dammit, Oscar!”

“Don’t look at me. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, it’s not you. This is just… the best I can do. I just don’t have anything to wear.”

“Oh, Good Lord.”

"No, really. I had it in my head that I’d put on a really sexy skirt, and…

“Amber, that is a really sexy skirt.”

“Well, it would be if it was shorter.”

“You don’t need a miniskirt to be sexy, honey.”

“Well, I just want a perfect look. I mean, this is…”

“Amber.”

“What?”

“You look terrific. I mean it.”

“Really?”

“Of course, honey. What are you going to wear with that outfit?”

“Well, I was thinking…”

“A jacket? No blouse?”

“Yeah! Although this is more cute than sexy, I think.”

“That corset thing you’re wearing and that tight skirt take care of the sexy, though. This looks good.”

[OscarD]

“I don’t know what I’d do without you constantly telling me how good I look, sugar. Really, I appreciate it so much!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Oh my God, yes.”

“Well, the appreciation is mutual. But I wish I could get you to stop worrying about me dumping you or putting you in a box.”

“I’m just…it’s what you get from a Factory Girl. We’re all sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Yeah, but you should know by now you can trust me. I like taking care of you, and you make it fun. I don’t want anything to change.”

“Even though I’m getting old?”

“But you don’t look old, honey.”

“My fingers look awfully old, though.”

“Why are you so insecure about your hands, babe?”

“I don’t know. I just am.”

“Well, I was going to do this later, but I think maybe you need it now.”

I went into the office and grabbed the little box I had in my desk drawer, and…

[gasp] “Oh, wow. Did you get me a ring?”

“It’s just a replacement for your other one. I thought you’d like it. It’s a Thanks For Being The Best Factory Girl Ever ring.”

“No, I totally get it. Amazing! Thank you so much, honey!”

“So does that brighten your mood a little?”

“Oh yeah. Ohhhhh yeah. I’m really good now.”

“Well, good. Do you want to head out now?”

She smiled and nodded, and then she finished getting ready.

"So how do I look?

“Absolutely smashing, baby. Hey, can I tell you something?”

“Of course. What’s that?”

“I love you.”

“Oh, well played. You fixed it. Insecurity? Gone.”

“Finally! Thank you! Let’s go, baby.”

[OscarD]

And outside the restaurant…

“Gosh, on a day like today maybe we should be somewhere that we can eat on a patio.”

“Why don’t we do that when we go and have an afternoon drink?”

“Perfect! It’s so much fun hanging out with you when you’re on your game.”

“When I’m on my game?”

“Yeah!”

“But when am I not on my game?”

“Oh, now you’re teasing me.”

“No really. Am I not on my game a lot?”

“Oh, honey. Sometimes you’re better than other times. I’m not criticizing you. I mean, you know there are lots of times I’m not on my game.”

“Hmmm.”

“You don’t like me saying that?”

“No, that’s not it. I just want to know what I can improve on, that’s all.”

“Boy, you’re definitely in Perfect Day mode. And thank you for that.”

“This is a pretty perfect day, isn’t it?”

“Every day is perfect with you, honey.”

“Haha! Liar. I do appreciate you saying that, though.”

“Hey, Oscar?”

“What’s that, honey?”

“I have something I want to tell you.”

“Is it that you love me?”

“Oh. How’d you guess?”

“Because it’s written all over your face.”

“OK. Now you have to feed me.”

“Gladly! Let’s get in there.”

To be continued…

[OscarD]

“OK, that was a freakin’ LEGENDARY shopping trip, honey. Thank you so much for all my new stuff!”

“Uh huh,” I said, gasping.

“Oh, stop. You had fun. And besides, we got you some new stuff, too.”

“Yeah, but my stuff doesn’t actually fit. You made me get pants a size too small.”

“I know, honey, but you’re doing the keto diet and you’ve already lost 10 pounds. Most of your clothes are loose on you.”

“I don’t think that’s true, but OK.”

“So here we are. See? Kim says this is the most underrated place in town, and it’s got a patio.”

“More like a sidewalk, but whatever.”

“You want to go somewhere else?”

“Nah. This is fine.”

“Well, good, because I need to get off my feet. I love my fake Louboutins, but they get a little squinchy after a while.”

“That’s fine. You get a table and I’ll go hit the bathroom and I’ll be right back.”

“Got it.”

So I did, and I was, except…

“What?”

“You didn’t order me anything?”

“Well, you didn’t tell me what you wanted.”

“Amber, I’m doing keto. You drink bourbon on the rocks when you’re doing keto.”

“Oh, right. Well, just go to the bar and order one, or I guess she’ll come back.”

“Yeah, thanks a lot. I’ll go to the bar.”

“Oh, wait. Honey?”

“What?”

“While you’re at the bar can you get me some lemon slices? And some napkins?”

“Yes, dear.”

[OscarD]

And then, a little later after a couple of drinks at the patio bar we were at the Old Drover, one of the better steakhouses in town.

Amber was ecstatic.

“Oh God, Oscar! I’ve been wanting to come here, like, all my life!” Amber said as they walked us to our table.

“Amber, I don’t even think you knew about this place until like a month ago.”

“That is SO not true. I’ve always known about the Old Drover. Are you kidding me?”

“Well, you never said anything.”

“Yeah, because before you sold your company I didn’t think we could afford to come here.”

“What? Seriously?”

“Well, it is kind of expensive.”

“Amber, I could always afford to take us here.”

“Really?”

“I mean, not once a week.”

“We’re gonna come here once a week now? Oh, that is AWESOME.”

“Ehhhh, that’s not what I said.”

“Oh. Right. Got it. But hey, you know, steak is keto-friendly, so…”

“Yes, I know.”

“I mean, I’m not doing keto, but I’ll eat what you eat so you don’t feel like you’re missing out.”

“That’s sweet, honey, but no. Get what you want.”

“Really? You’re OK if I completely pig out?”

“It’s what I’m planning on doing.”

“Oh my God, everything looks so good here!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So what do you think you’re gonna get?”

“Caesar salad. And the lobster.”

“You aren’t getting a steak?”

“Nah. We have those really good steaks at home. We were going to grill them tomorrow, remember?”

[OscarD]

“Yeah, but I’ll eat steak two days in a row, honey!”

“I’ll just bet you will. But the lobster is legendary here.”

So we sat down and ordered, and…

“Well? What do you think?”

“I think it’s just about the perfect dinner to end a perfect day.”

“Oh, this day hasn’t ended, sugar.”

“No?”

“Oh, no. It ends back home.”

“Ahh, yes. That.”

“That’s right, honey. Because you have been a really good boy today.”

“You think so, huh?”

“I know so. Hey, I have something else to tell you.”

“What’s that?”

“I love you.”

“Awww, I just didn’t see that one coming.”

“Oh, yes you did!”

“OK, I’m gonna get dessert, so you’ll know. And you can’t stop me!”

She laughed, but then…

“Oh my God, that’s the end of your keto diet.”

“Nah. This will definitely do some damage, but I’ll get back on the horse tomorrow.”

“I mean, you’re never gonna be able to eat all that.”

“I made some room for it. I ate kinda light, you know. Plus, you’re gonna help me.”

“You’re gonna let me have some?”

“Why do you think I made you change seats? So you could get in closer and dig into this, baby!”

“Oh, my God, this is SUCH a perfect day.”